Showing posts with label clean jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clean jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Time Gets Better With Age

Read through to the end, it gets better as you go!


I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing “Silent Night”.

- Age 5


I’ve learned that our dog doesn’t want to eat my broccoli either.

- Age 7


I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.

- Age 9


I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.

- Age 12


I’ve learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

- Age 14


I’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, I’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

- Age 15


I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.

- Age 24


I’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures.

- Age 26


I’ve learned that wherever I go, the world’s worst drivers have followed me there.

- Age 29


I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

- Age 30


I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it.

- Age 42


I’ve learned that you can make some one’s day by simply sending them a little note.

- Age 44


I’ve learned that the greater a person’s sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.

- Age 46


I’ve learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

- Age 47


I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

- Age 48

I’ve learned that singing “Amazing Grace” can lift my spirits for hours.

- Age 49


I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.

- Age 50


I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

- Age 51


I’ve learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.

- Age 52

I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

- Age 53

I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.

- Age 58

I’ve learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.

- Age 61

I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

- Age 62


I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

- Age 64

I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

- Age 65

I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

- Age 66

I’ve learned that everyone can use a prayer.

- Age 72

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.

- Age 82

I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

- Age 90

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

- Age 92

Saturday, December 19, 2009

…So Jesus and Satan sat down at the keyboards and typed away…

This is one of the clean jokes I’ve read being passed around through emails. My prayer is that this simple story would strengthen your faith in a God Who loves you and Who is ever faithful to His promise to you… it’s in His Name ;-)


Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly, the Father was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, the Father said, “THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.”

So Jesus and Satan sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally, the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

“It’s gone! It’s all GONE! “I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.

“Wait!” he screamed. “That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?”

The Father just shrugged and said,

"JESUS SAVES"


Dearest Lord, teach me to trust in You. Give me the grace to believe in the saving power that comes from You alone. Let not the temptations of the evil one bring me to damnation. Instead, let your Holy Spirit work within me and empower me to do the good works that would reflect Your glory and make people see that You, oh dear Jesus, really saves. Amen.